Today, was a good day.

It's pay day, and work went well.

Lots of joking around and play.

Even got to talk to Matty.

Went to Olive Garden with Brandon and Chewy, to celebrate Chewy's passing of his math final.

-sigh-

Then we went back to the dorms, and started watching a movie.

And this is where the 'WAS a good day' comes in.

I can't say I wasn't warned about the movie, but I wanted to see if I could handle it.

And I definatly couldn't. Had to leave, actually - even cried.

Came back to my room, took a shower. And this is where I'm at now.

A stir of emotions... and none of them good.

Its like, I've been reminded how alone I really am here.

How easily replaced I am, too.

Travon comes in and invites chewy and brandon to a party saturday.

I can't go, they don't want any more females there.

Ouch.

I don't think i'll be leaving my room this weekend.

Infact, I'll probably be doing exactly what I am right now.

Wallowing in self pitty, wishing someone here would save me.

Wishing  I had some sort of an escape from everything.. everyone.. all of it.

But what do I do, since - I cannot?

I was getting better.

I've been torn back down.

I want so badly for someone to see it.

I want them to ask me, and really care - if everythings okay.

To invite me because they want me around.

But no. I'm left out of it.

Replaced, once again, like always.

No wonder I push people away.

Dear God,

Help?

IM FALLING APART.

and i have no one to save me.

I love the Air Force.

I love being part of Ammo.

Everything thing about my new life is just...

It's amazing. I couldn't have asked for more.

Thank you, for leading me to take this path.

Little Rock, AR  here i come!